She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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