I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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