Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
