Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
