totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
