Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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