I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
