so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
