Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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