I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
