What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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