everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
