i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
