Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
