Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
