Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
