Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
