When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
