Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
