Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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