well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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