Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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