oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
