(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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