did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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