Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
