He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
