Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
