I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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