Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she smelled like a LAN party
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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