I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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