i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
