Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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