My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
