I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
