Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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