I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
