i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
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your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
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My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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