hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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