chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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