Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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