I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
