1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
