I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
