Do you still have your period?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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