Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
