I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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