I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
