I'm sorry my penis didn't work
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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