i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
