tonight lets celebrate not being married
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
