hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
