He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
