Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
