Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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