people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
