i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
