Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
