Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
