He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
