I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
