he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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