I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
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So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize