Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
