definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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