you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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