i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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