I CAN MOONWALK!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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