I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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