when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
