I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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