1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
