You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
