Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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