Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm going to jail i love you
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
